small psychological problems

this post will not involve and mentioning of swimming (besides this one) i promise ... as some of u might know this whole triathlon thing started with a thurday running group that i joined to stay in 'shape' for my eventual marathon later on this year (last weekend of Sept. in Berlin - am already signed up and convinced an out of shape french guy (well old high school mate) to join, there has to be at least one person that i can be sure of beating, right !)

So naturally in this running group there are some serious runners - meaning not warm weather runners like myself who have hard time getting out of bed 30 min early to go for a jog - who should be left alone to run ahead of the 20 people strong pack that gets together every thursday. But no ... somewhere in my head that sense of reasoning has gotten lost (some synapses are not firing correctly in all likelihood) and i still believe i am the somewhat in shape (although no less unsuccessful) runner from college (see picture 1) but no ... sitting in a chair for 8+ hours a day on a desk for the past couple of years changes things and nowadays i feel more like picture 2.

The point of all this is: despite the fact that I am not really a runner anymore i still feel the need to pretend that its the case i and i feel the need to run with the front of the pack - no matter how dead tired i get (and ignoring the fact that only the occasional red light provides me with a chance to actually catch up with the runners in the front) i still feel the need to 'beat' everyone at the end ... its a bit sad, but i guess thats the reason i feel the need for things like the triathlon and marathon - that need to compete ... i figure at some point this competetive thing will fade, it has to sooner or later, one would think ...